i'm struggling with living in this world.
these past few weeks have been pretty much the most draining weeks of my year, and maybe 2 years..possibly.
it's nights of endless tears and and countless painful thoughts that make me feel as though life has no more purpose and meaning.
even to the extent that, im too sinful for God to love me anymore.
even felt as though maybe,...you know, God's given up on me and ....
but last night,
i cried.
with all my heart.
letting it alll out,
and this time,
to God.
and pouring every single thingin me to Him.
and last night,
i felt God crying with me.
it was sooo hard to say these exact words, "ALL MY DELIGHT IS IN YOU, LORD."
and for that very moment, i knew.
i believed and i had HOPE.
that SOmEone really loved me and cared for me and i felt so still and quiet.
i felt HIs presence.
and even though i might feel so so damn lonely and going through alll these things on my own,
i felt comfort in knowing that Someone understands me, and knows my every thoughts,
and loves me..still.
You know my name.
You know my every thought,
You see each tear that falls.
and hear me when i call.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
I Love it when God speaks
Love it when God speaks. Love it when He responds to our prayers. Today was one such day when God spoke in church. No it wasn't even the main point that got me. But it was the great little small detail that really spoke out, screamed out at me: God embraced the smelly dirty lost son who came back. Ok I know this is going to be offensive to all pig-lovers out there (!) but pigs were considered by the Jews as spiritually unclean and filthy beyond the physical. The lost son was practically living like a pig in a pig stye for an undisclosed period of utter desperation, but yet the Jewish father came running, embracing the son when he finally came back, ignoring the stains and the smell and the spiritual contamination because of his all-overriding love for him.
This is but a mere glimmer of the wonderful unconditional love that our dear Lord has for all of us! Don't just take my word for it, but if one actually went looking, one can find out that there is so much more than just this...
This is but a mere glimmer of the wonderful unconditional love that our dear Lord has for all of us! Don't just take my word for it, but if one actually went looking, one can find out that there is so much more than just this...
Monday, March 19, 2007
Oxymoronic Paradoxes
Something prompts me to write about existence. I heard someone said the other day that life is merely a dream, and death an endless cycle of existence that had no beginning nor any end. Meaning is meaningless, purpose is purposeless. It is sad, it is depressing, it is all.
If that is all, then I would dare say the nation of Israel would not have survived till now. Indeed, the Christian church, being persecuted as it had been, would not have survived till now as well. As there is no outside force that helps, no outside force that cares and loves, man is doomed to an existence only characterised by suffering. I can tell where the buddhist thought first came from. I can also tell why people may find that to be the truth of the universe.
But having my eyes opened to the possibility of something greater than this monotonous repetition of life and death and life again, I find the very idea of this appallingly disgusting. I don't see the reason behind people blindly following whatever people are doing without so much as discovering for themselves the real answers. People who take it for granted that whatever appears inside a novel written by one man who based his ideas on contentious and unsupported evidence is the real truth, instead of a book that was written by many men over a millenia, of which the ideas are consistent throughout, and upon which people find real peace and salvation all around the world everyday. Why do people prefer hearsay rather than hard truth? Is it something in the way we are educated that makes us blind? People who are not well educated can see, yet the Western world for all its pompous pride about its intellectual prowess is unable to see!
I want to show them all... I want to make it known that there cannot be half-truths and oxymoronic paradoxes being pushed out as authentic and real beliefs. I hear sometimes that people would mix all sorts of discrepent ideologies together and making it out like it actually made sense: things like atheistic-christian, a buddhist-christian, even those Bahaists who think that all religions with all their inconsistent ideals are somehow all the same and hold equal truth. I particularly like the atheistic-christian, a confusing idea, and even for non-religious people would appear absolutely absurd, yet are geniune categories of "religion" for many people.
Perhaps I am just biased. Perhaps everything the world has to say about Truth is correct, and that indeed the world has never had any purpose, that one big bang suddenly emerged out of nothingness all by itself, that God can speak contradictingly and yet be known as constant and eternal. But in my view, there are many reasons why this is not it, and there is so much more than this.
If that is all, then I would dare say the nation of Israel would not have survived till now. Indeed, the Christian church, being persecuted as it had been, would not have survived till now as well. As there is no outside force that helps, no outside force that cares and loves, man is doomed to an existence only characterised by suffering. I can tell where the buddhist thought first came from. I can also tell why people may find that to be the truth of the universe.
But having my eyes opened to the possibility of something greater than this monotonous repetition of life and death and life again, I find the very idea of this appallingly disgusting. I don't see the reason behind people blindly following whatever people are doing without so much as discovering for themselves the real answers. People who take it for granted that whatever appears inside a novel written by one man who based his ideas on contentious and unsupported evidence is the real truth, instead of a book that was written by many men over a millenia, of which the ideas are consistent throughout, and upon which people find real peace and salvation all around the world everyday. Why do people prefer hearsay rather than hard truth? Is it something in the way we are educated that makes us blind? People who are not well educated can see, yet the Western world for all its pompous pride about its intellectual prowess is unable to see!
I want to show them all... I want to make it known that there cannot be half-truths and oxymoronic paradoxes being pushed out as authentic and real beliefs. I hear sometimes that people would mix all sorts of discrepent ideologies together and making it out like it actually made sense: things like atheistic-christian, a buddhist-christian, even those Bahaists who think that all religions with all their inconsistent ideals are somehow all the same and hold equal truth. I particularly like the atheistic-christian, a confusing idea, and even for non-religious people would appear absolutely absurd, yet are geniune categories of "religion" for many people.
Perhaps I am just biased. Perhaps everything the world has to say about Truth is correct, and that indeed the world has never had any purpose, that one big bang suddenly emerged out of nothingness all by itself, that God can speak contradictingly and yet be known as constant and eternal. But in my view, there are many reasons why this is not it, and there is so much more than this.
1st Post off the production line!
Psalm 34
1 I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.
2 My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
3 Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.
4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing.
10 The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
11 Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12 Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days,
13 keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.
14 Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;
16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.
21 Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
22 The LORD redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.
1 I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.
2 My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
3 Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.
4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing.
10 The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
11 Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12 Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days,
13 keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.
14 Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;
16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.
21 Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
22 The LORD redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.
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