Wow, not much activity here. But I guess its about time for some yea? haha.

I am feeling like blogging attitude at the moment, spare a few thoughts for this page. I just want to let some steam off.

I want to run. I want to love. I want to have peace. I want so many things right now this moment yet all of it seems so distant, and some of it may not be entirely what I will get. I wish I'd know what's wrong, but I guess all I can figure out in words is that I haven't being who I'd say I will be. And for what it's worth, I don't know if I will ever be who I say I am.

They say we all carry around a load, and that we all carry around something to mask it too. The mask is used to show the world what we want the world to think of us. But deep down we know we are probably not that. Sometimes, when we live our lives behind that mask for a while, we forget its a mask and start believing it ourselves. Then someone comes along and shake things up, the mask falls apart and who we are, our load, becomes fully exposed, if only for a brief time. And we become so shocked at what we are reminded of that we start to question who we really are: the mask, or the load.

For me, I think my mask of Love has being broken today. Maybe the Love that I show to my family, friends, ministry, enemies, are merely for show; a mask. And what I truly am is what it has always being; nothing's changed.

This for me are my doubts. I am the doubter. Doubting Thomas. They say that for one to truly believe, they will have to have doubted. I hope this is true for me. I hope that the changes I proclaim to the world is not merely just a mask, but real substantial changes.