Wow, not much activity here. But I guess its about time for some yea? haha.

I am feeling like blogging attitude at the moment, spare a few thoughts for this page. I just want to let some steam off.

I want to run. I want to love. I want to have peace. I want so many things right now this moment yet all of it seems so distant, and some of it may not be entirely what I will get. I wish I'd know what's wrong, but I guess all I can figure out in words is that I haven't being who I'd say I will be. And for what it's worth, I don't know if I will ever be who I say I am.

They say we all carry around a load, and that we all carry around something to mask it too. The mask is used to show the world what we want the world to think of us. But deep down we know we are probably not that. Sometimes, when we live our lives behind that mask for a while, we forget its a mask and start believing it ourselves. Then someone comes along and shake things up, the mask falls apart and who we are, our load, becomes fully exposed, if only for a brief time. And we become so shocked at what we are reminded of that we start to question who we really are: the mask, or the load.

For me, I think my mask of Love has being broken today. Maybe the Love that I show to my family, friends, ministry, enemies, are merely for show; a mask. And what I truly am is what it has always being; nothing's changed.

This for me are my doubts. I am the doubter. Doubting Thomas. They say that for one to truly believe, they will have to have doubted. I hope this is true for me. I hope that the changes I proclaim to the world is not merely just a mask, but real substantial changes.

i think i'm losing my sanity.
i don't know where to look anymore...
God's right in front of me,
calling me to the light.
not just any light.
His light.
but it's really hard.
i'm getting blinded and slowly losing my mind.

God, pleasepleaseplease take all these shackles off.

forgottenglories

MUFASA (The dead father in a vision to Simba) : Simba!

SIMBA: Father?

MUFSA: Simba, you have forgotten me.

SIMBA: No! How could I?

MUFASA: you have forgotten who you are, and so forgotten me. Look inside youself, Simba... you are more than what you have become.

SIMBA: How can i go back? I am not who i used to be.

MUFASA: Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true king. Remember who you are.

Have we forgotten who we really are? Who we were are is am?

It was once clear in the coolness of the garden who the race of the 'very good's are.

"The theif comes to steal, kill and destroy. But I have come that you may have life and life to the full." -John 10:10

Don't live anything less than full (:

whenthewellrunsdry

"Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life "
-Pro 4:23

"The theif comes to steal kill and destroy but I that you may have life and life to the full"
-John 10:10

Today i made it. I made it to the CPR room in time.

"I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

Sunshine in the Darkness

You brought the sunshine in
You turned the dark to day
You made the shadows flee away

You opened up my eyes
To a new and living way
The dawning of a brand new day

There are thoughts in my head all the time. There are thoughts in everyone's heads all the time. I read this in a psychological paper I had been working through all this morning. But I just cannot get it pass my head this one overriding thought: that no other thought is as important, impactful, and life-changing as these words above.

Perhaps a cynic might disagree, citing numerous reasons why faith is nothing more than a blank storage of self-gratifying nonsense just to make us feel better. Perhaps the bitter would no longer accept that there is hope at the end of the tunnel, that all is lost. Perhaps the ones with everything wouldn't care less because they feel that there is nothing that they do not already have. Perhaps the hard-working would feel that there is no free lunch. Perhaps.

But I know what I am saying when I describe the love that has indeed being freely given. I know what I am saying when I note that no one is ever satisfied with the things they have in this world. I know what I am saying when I tell people that there is more to life than this. I know what I am saying when I point to the fact that there was nothing self-gratifying in the actions of martyrs. Faith is a belief. Faith is a lifestyle. Faith drives people. But above all, faith in God brings the sunshine in and turns the dark to day.

i'm struggling with living in this world.
these past few weeks have been pretty much the most draining weeks of my year, and maybe 2 years..possibly.
it's nights of endless tears and and countless painful thoughts that make me feel as though life has no more purpose and meaning.
even to the extent that, im too sinful for God to love me anymore.
even felt as though maybe,...you know, God's given up on me and ....

but last night,
i cried.
with all my heart.
letting it alll out,
and this time,
to God.
and pouring every single thingin me to Him.
and last night,
i felt God crying with me.

it was sooo hard to say these exact words, "ALL MY DELIGHT IS IN YOU, LORD."
and for that very moment, i knew.
i believed and i had HOPE.
that SOmEone really loved me and cared for me and i felt so still and quiet.
i felt HIs presence.
and even though i might feel so so damn lonely and going through alll these things on my own,
i felt comfort in knowing that Someone understands me, and knows my every thoughts,
and loves me..still.

You know my name.
You know my every thought,
You see each tear that falls.
and hear me when i call.

I Love it when God speaks

Love it when God speaks. Love it when He responds to our prayers. Today was one such day when God spoke in church. No it wasn't even the main point that got me. But it was the great little small detail that really spoke out, screamed out at me: God embraced the smelly dirty lost son who came back. Ok I know this is going to be offensive to all pig-lovers out there (!) but pigs were considered by the Jews as spiritually unclean and filthy beyond the physical. The lost son was practically living like a pig in a pig stye for an undisclosed period of utter desperation, but yet the Jewish father came running, embracing the son when he finally came back, ignoring the stains and the smell and the spiritual contamination because of his all-overriding love for him.

This is but a mere glimmer of the wonderful unconditional love that our dear Lord has for all of us! Don't just take my word for it, but if one actually went looking, one can find out that there is so much more than just this...